My Goodbyes via Email

Hi Andelita. This is going to be my last official email! I know you're happy! Lol. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed "working" with you. No, really I did! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have stayed as long as I did. You really made it fun working here even though I did most of the work! Pinch-eeeeeeee-weeeeee. I know we are going to be best of friends after here, but I can't help but feel sad that you won't be able to squeeze my love handles on a daily basis. hahahaha! No more PRC. No more Dolores Mission. No more H&M! Hahaha. You have my friendship no matter what and you know it. Take care and U.D.L.M.!

You know I had to send one last email, Genaro! You should know how much I love emailing (even though you never, ever respond)! Good luck, mini-Me! Hahaha! I'm so glad I was wrong about you! You ARE a sweetheart! Lol! I swear, I thought we were going to butt heads at first cuz you were such a smartie and you know only one brain can fit here and that was ME. But luckily, I realized that under such a tough exterior you are just a kind-hearted (but direct) darlin' and I am going to miss your lil' plants! J/K You too! haha. Take care, Bjork-A.


JAIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe this is my last email to you! Thank you for giving the opportunity to venture out and get my feet wet here at AltaMed. I know that even after here, you and I will always be friends. We've sure been through a lot, huh? First at AHF then here and who knows where else in the world?! I'm so sorry I didn't get to bug you one last time as an "AltaMed employee," but you know where I'll be. So, I'll bug you there.

Take care of yourself. And know, no matter what you mean a lot to me dear friend

Hi Jesse,

This is my official "goodbye." Jesse, you're the one that I feel most sad about leaving behind here at AltaMed since well, I did DO everything you wanted. Hahahaha! Seriously, I stayed as long as I did for a special few but I just felt I needed to move on. I wanted to do something else cuz any longer, I'd just burn out. And we all know how great a mood I can be in when I'm burnt out. I will always be here for you no matter what (even though I know you're rolling your eyes right now). I'm not being cheesy. You are a wonderful friend and even through the drama, the best thing out of it is the fact that we became friends. So, don't be a hater! You know how to find me so don't be one of those fake people I can't stand that are just my "friends" because we work for the same agency. I'm testing you (stop rolling your eyes)! I'll miss you. I do already.

Hi Mariano,

I just wanted to send my final farewell. I know it's been challenging here, but keep your head up. Your dedication to your clients has always been your priority and I admire your strength to stand up for what you believe in. Don't let anyone pull you down just make sure no one steps on your toes either! Take care, dear and I know we'll be seeing each other again.

Hey Kathy, I just wanted to take the time to send out an official "goodbye." I know we didn't get to work together too much, but it was still nice to see strong women taking charge the way we do! So keep it up! I've always felt that your passion to represent women and the need to skew more services targeting women was admirable. Take care of yourself and you know, I'll be seeing you soon!

Hey Susie, I just wanted to say goodbye. And thank you for my lovely cd. And thank you for being so sweet to me. And thank you for always making me feel beautiful, loved, and special. Good luck and take deep breaths because you're gonna need it here! Lol. Take care of you and please, don't be a stranger. I'm not just saying that either!

Hey Carlos,

I figured it's my last day so why not spend it doing what I do best: email. I'm sending the people I will miss most a "goodbye" email so you happen to be one of those people! I know you feel special. I know you've been quite a handful last year and through your antics (only I could tolerate), I know that a shy boy lurks within. So, shy boy enjoy your "present." And no, it's not for your many ladies so don't take advantage! hahaha! Seriously, you really surprised me with Betty Boop today and I really appreciate it. After all this time, you really do have a heart. Awwww.... Ok, that's enough. Take care and don't f*$k up!

Hi Connie,

I had to say goodbye via email. It's just the "Myrnelle" way! I know you'll follow in my footsteps cuz it's the best path to take! Haha! I have no worries that you'll take care of things from this point on. I have no worries that you'll succeed in life. I have every faith in you to carry on my duties here at AltaMed since you're probably the only one that really understood what I taught you! Hahaha! The guys would probably agree since they never listened to me anyway! It was so wonderful working with you, Connie. So don't forget me! You better My Space me, call me, keep in touch. You better!

Hey Joaquin,

I know we just met, but out of everyone you've been the one most "impacted" by me leaving! lol. It's sweet. Thank you for being so willing to learn from me and so attentive to getting things done. I know you and Connie will take care of things from here, but please don't be a stranger. You got me on My Space so it's on now! Lol. Keep striving for your goals and you'll never fail. I know it's cheesy, but I live by it. Take care!



With love, Myr-Myr

Farewell AltaMed

Saying "goodbye" is always a struggle for me and though I worked in several places, juggling numerous duties at one time, it saddens me knowing that soon it will all come to an end. It doesn't take long to adjust to a new surrounding filled with unfamiliar faces. Soon...it becomes routine. I know where I'm going, what I'm doing, placing a name to a face as I move along. I start making friends and building a bond that hopefully will last no matter where I am in the world.

Here at AltaMed on my last day, I remember my first day: Halloween 2006.

It was an interesting experience to say the least, meeting everyone dressed in costumes: a pirate, a nun, a devil, and of course a lioness just to name a few. A different language, an unknown environment, and I'm playing the outcast. The only one without a costume and I'm the one who stuck out the most. How will I ever fit in?

I had no keys, no parking permit, no pass, no access to even email and there I was with only a badge to show that, "Yes, I am an employee."

I was stationed at a clinic that cared for predominantly Spanish-speaking patients, stuck in a closet-sized office with below-freezing temperatures. Since I couldn't speak an inkling of Spanish (but apparently I look like I'm Latina), I felt useless. Too cold to sit still, I roamed the halls finding things to do. I took things with a grain of salt, knowing that I can't just give up because I feel uncomfortable. I had to roll with the punches and trust me, there were plenty.

As the weeks and months rolled by, I started thinking, "If I can't work with what I've got then why not change what doesn't work?" So, that's exactly what I did. I started cleaning house and writing protocols so that any future newbies won't feel as lost as I was.

Finally, at the beginning of the new year they moved me to a new location: Indiana (an old school house made entirely out of brick). Although the possibility of it being haunted was a little eerie, it had a warmer feel to it. I had a cubicle to call my own, and after a quick paint job and a few little add-ons it became my "home away from home."

I have made wonderful friends along my journey and know in my heart that the one thing I will miss the most is seeing them every day.

I write this, excited about where I'm going next, what I'll be doing there, and who I'll be meeting. I write this, saddened by the fact that I'm leaving what at first intimidated me, and proud that I didn't quit before I started. I kept at it until there really was nothing more I needed to do. I will leave knowing I did my part.

Survey Says?

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Wow. This question again. Hmm…my dad told me that his ex-girlfriend (whom he dumped for my sexy mother) had this really lengthy name so he decided one day to chop it up and created "Myrnelle." It was supposed to be my older sister's name, but when she was born our aunt named her "Michelle" after her son Michael. Someone once told me it means "wonderful" in Hebrew. Although I haven't confirmed it yet, it's nice to believe.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I always cry. It's been an emotional whirlwind of a year, but it made me stop and realize that life's too much of a mess to breakdown all of the time.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yup. I've been told that it looks like a blend of cursive and print. I'm a writer so it goes without saying.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? I dunno bout you but "lunch meat" doesn't sound appealing. Doesn't it feel funky when a sandwich with more bread than meat and lots of mayo sticks to the roof of your mouth?!
5. DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS? None of my own. But…I have lotsa boys! And 2 crazy girls, one who is so squishable and the other still can't quite pronounce the "R" in MyRnelle. Oh! And one is on the way!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Hells ya! I'm one tough, reliable cookie!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? With the people in my life, one has to be prepared to take jokes and spit them back just the same. So, um…that would be a yes.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Ya, but I think they're swollen.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? WTF?! If I wanted to shit in my pants, I'd eat yellow curry. Haha!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Don't have one. Stopped eating them cuz they never make me full. But…it wouldn't hurt to chew on a Rice Krispie marshmallow square.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Forget laces. I'm a slip-on kinda gal!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? DEFINITELY more mentally than physically. I only show my weaknesses to my loved ones, cuz they'll make me laugh it off.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Tart frozen yogurt from Golden Spoon!
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their facial expression.
15. RED OR PINK? BLUE
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? NOTHING SATISFIES ME.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? MAMA
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I hope people comment w/their answers.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Dark denim and brown slip-ons.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A sausage biscuit from Jack in the Box. Mmmm...
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Phones ringing off the hook, but none of the calls are for me. Boring job.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Blue.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Freshly brewed coffee, daddy's spaghetti sauce, coconut/mango candles, fresh linen, eucalyptus massage oils...
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My baby sis, Bea.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Of course! she's a sexy mamacita herself!
26. DO YOU LIKE USING COMPUTERS? Only for writing.
27. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? On TV, Lakers Basketball cuz it's the only one I can follow. Live, Dodgers/Angels baseball for the true experience.
28. HAIR COLOR? Brownish Gold. No, seriously just brown.
29. EYE COLOR? Dark, seductive brown. Lol.
30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Glasses. Just glasses.
31. FAVORITE FOOD? Daddy's sketti
32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Neither. I hate scary movies cuz they make my imagination run wild, but happy endings are bullshit. So…I prefer a great story with good characterization. It's the storyteller in me.
33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? A Dark Knight. Great film.
34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Burgundy.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? WINTER.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? both cuz I deserve it all!
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Golden Spoon!!
38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? anyone who has nothing to do!
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone
40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Comic Book Tattoo! (a comic book inspired by Tori music).
41. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? MiniCoopers
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Project Runway
43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND? my family's laughter
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles cuz their lyrics are so singable!
45. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Philippines. 17 years ago. 17-hour trip is hard to forget. Hate planes. Hate planes. Hate planes.
46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? i'd like to think it's writing, but no one wants to pay me!
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Manila, Philippines
48. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? i know too much about my sisters so...surprise me
49. EVER FLOWN ON A PLANE? Unfortunately, yes.
50. WHERE WOULD YOU LOVE TO GO ? As cliche as it may be, Europe. And Ireland cuz all the great films with spectacular scenes took place there. Also, I would like to revisit Philippines since I didn't get to see much being that I was only 10 with a thousand relatives to meet.

Customer Service

Imagine if a client comes in to receive an HIV test from me and they are frantic and emotional. Pretend they know absolutely nothing about sexually transmitted diseases and want to get the right information. Now picture that I just had a rough day and just want to stop working and go home. If I put myself at the center of attention and forget that this client really needs my help, then the client will leave feeling worse than when they first walked in. With or without a test, they may still feel helpless and uninformed. I must keep in mind that this career path as an HIV Counselor is my choice. So what I choose to do reflects on the people I serve. Hence, this is why I expect the same attention when I am the client/customer. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

Let me share with you a few examples of when people need to search for a new profession.

You just had your annual physical exam and felt everything went like clockwork. Same as last year and the year before until of course, you get a call. So there you are at home, rushing out the door when the phone rings. You miss the call, but the answering machine’s blaring out the following confidential information to a household of people, “This is so and so from the (fill in the blank) clinic. (Your name) must call to schedule a (procedure you’ve never heard of) ASAP. It is very important. Thank you.”

Obviously, this alarms you so you call back expecting assistance, but instead you get, “Please hold.” Then wait, wait some more, (15-minutes pass) and the line goes dead. Hmmm… You call back, but before you could say anything the same representative states, “Please hold.” So what do you do? You hold. And hold…and hold some more. You hear a beep, assuming you got transferred to someone useful only to hear another beep and another unsuccessful transfer attempt to a generic voicemail. So you leave a voicemail and call back hoping to speak to a live person. Once you do, they get frustrated with you for even calling back, which ironically is what they asked you to do in the first place in the message, right? So you get the run-around and apparently nobody knows who called you and for that matter, what they were calling you about. In fact, none of the staff seem to know anything at all. So you think you made an appointment and finally get off the phone only to find out that the appointment was never scheduled and the procedure is still unknown.

Inhale. Exhale. So you go to a restaurant to unwind…

You decide to start off with dessert because after such a mess with the medical staff you want to treat yourself to something sweet. The place has a few people, but a manageable crowd to say the least. No waitress/waiter greets you so you wait (again) patiently. Finally after 10-minutes, one spots you in front of a bare table and figures you may need something. Without even a hello, they pull out their pad of paper and say, “Well?” So you order your slice of cake, coffee and water. They respond, “That’s all?” Hmmm… 10-minutes later, they come back with luke-warm water and cold coffee. 10-minutes pass and finally your pastry arrives with the bill. Imagine you were hungry and wanted to order more, but you can’t now because you’re apparently done. So you wait to see if at least you could get a fresh cup of coffee or at least some cream. After forever, you give up and get up to find the manager who happens to be on the phone and only cares to ring you up. You tell them that you are upset over the service or lack thereof from your waitress. They respond, “Well next time tell your server.”

There will be NO next time.

Now just to end your horrific customer service week you decide to call two call centers conveniently located in India and in the Philippines. You can’t understand them. They don't understand you. Both situations lead you to escalate the call to a supervisor. Both supervisors state 3 things like a broken record:
1. I’m sorry.
2. I don’t believe you.
3. I can’t help you.

I am what most would call a “Customer from Hell.” Meaning, I often get my way. Why? Well, why not? I have been on the other end before dealing with people’s problems on a daily basis, trying my best to accommodate their requests no matter how ridiculous. I have been through several jobs in which customer service was the main priority, following the infamous policy, “The Customer is ALWAYS right.” Reversing fees here, offering free incentives there, and taking insult after insult so they could vent out their frustrations on a company I simply work for and don’t necessarily agree with or even like. Why? Because they can and because that was what I was paid to do. Lucky me. From retail to call centers, I have been through it all. So when the tables are turned and it is my turn to receive service, guess what I expect? Yes, I am sympathetic to the people on the other end that must do what it takes to please me…But no, I do not care as to what lengths they have to go through because that is their job. I wish others would remind themselves everyday why they do the job they do and how what they do effects the people they care for no matter how minuscule the task.

The lesson learned is to keep your sanity and do the following:
1. Don’t forget to breathe.
2. Don’t forget you are the customer.
3. Don’t forget to get your way.

Last Request

“I'm in pain,” she whispers underneath a mask of steam.

It hurts to open her eyes, but she could see just enough to make out a few people standing around her, their rosaries dangling from their fingertips. It hurts to listen, but she could hear the soft mumbling of prayers and sobs. She feels a hand touch her forehead as another graces her arm. Cold and shaky, but she does not have the energy to warm and comfort them. She is slowly forgetting how to breathe, entering the final stages of an illness she never saw coming.

“I’m tired,” she utters behind a light-blue, plastic cover full of oxygen.

She lies still, curled up in a tiny ball of fatigue. Moving her mouth as if to say something, but yet nothing comes out, not even air. She sees the others move in closer as if to examine her like some caged creature being studied under a microscope. Different faces approach her. Some sad, with flushed cheeks and eyes flooded with tears. Others hide their sadness behind happy smiles and joyful tones.

One by one, they reintroduce themselves to her. Kissing her hand, rubbing their fingers through her hair, staring into her eyes hoping that somehow she will call out to them with some sort of recognition. Anything to show that she once knew what they meant to her. She nods politely, unable to match a name to a face. Few were fortunate to receive such satisfaction as a giggle, but many were left disappointed.

“How I wish I could do more for you,” she sighed as they turned their backs and walked away.

A man enters, dressed in a white coat with a clipboard in hand. The people surrounding her slowly walk towards him, anxiously waiting for what he has to say. As he speaks, more tears fall from the others’ eyes. It’s hard for her to make out too much of the details, but through bits and pieces she picks up the “Glory of Life” and “It is time.” Some cover their mouths and bow their heads in silence. The man pauses as if in need of a response, but no one manages to say a word. He takes a deep breath and continues.

“There isn’t much we can do,” he says solemnly.

She comes to realize the life he was referring to is her own. The time is her time and the people in the room are her family. They stand motionless, unable to accept the fact that she will never recover, that her health is quickly deteriorating. She could feel them pulling for something more, thinking the man’s words are only hypothetical and that there must be something else they could try, anything to keep her going just a little longer.

She looks at herself. Trapped in a hospital bed with paper-thin sheets wrapped around her, tubes jutting out from each side. All this technology and intricate equipment set to feed her, nourish her, and assist her breathing. Yet though it can keep her alive she knows it cannot live for her. Her body is weak. She cannot hug anyone back or hold anyone’s hand so tight and say, “Everything will be alright.” Her energy slowly drains away while her mind continues to draw a blank. She cannot create any more memories nor cherish the many she once held dear. She breathes through a mask and tube, her heart beats through a monitor, but she no longer wishes to live through a machine.

The eldest daughter sees her mother’s sunken face and bends down to hear her last request.

“I’m ready to go…” Ma said.

It Happened Last Night

I remember it as if it really did happen. After all, it was just another one of my dreams, but the interesting part was that no matter how many times I woke up from tossing and turning, I would fall back asleep and pick up where I left off.

The same place: a Paseo lined with rustic, orange-colored cobblestones that curled and connected to a variety of shops and cafes. A large fountain at the center bathed a statue of two cupids sitting on a cloud. One holding a bow and arrow and the other, a heart, eager to be its next target. Coins glistened at the bottom of the water.

"Wishes still waiting to be granted," I thought to myself.

I walked passed it. Letting the sun hit my face and feeling the warmth of its energy as I made my way through the crowd. I thought I saw my parents up ahead so I picked up the pace to catch up, suddenly realizing that they were walking towards me.

My mom was dressed in a pale, peach top and matching long skirt. Her black, high-heels clanked against the pathway with each step she made. My dad was not too far behind, wearing gray slacks and a long-sleeve, collared-shirt. As they approached the fountain, I knew something was very odd. My mom's hair was long and extremely curly with high bangs pinned half-way back. Not her usual cropped do that I'm used to seeing.

"Wow, that grew fast," I thought.

But then I saw my dad with a head full of hair that almost covered his eyes.

I gasped.

They were my parents alright, but a whole 20-years younger!

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. There I was, a full grown adult, standing next to my parents of the same age.

A little girl with layers of thin black hair was holding my mom's hand. She was wearing a white, cotton dress and sandals. She looked up at me and smiled before running off into my dad's arms. He picked her up and placed her onto his shoulders. They continued passed me, down the walkway blending in with the sunlight and the crowd until I couldn't see them anymore.

I turned back around and took a few steps in the other direction when my sisters came up to me. It was a relief to see them at the age they are now.

"Hey Bub, where were you?" the youngest one asked as she pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail.

"We want to get some coffee and maybe a pastry or two," the oldest said, looking around with her hand over her eyes to block the sun.

"Oh, just walking around," I answered. "Gotta wash my hands first though..." I said as if what just happened never happened at all. "Where's the bathroom?" I asked.

"Oh geez...you know where it is," the youngest said rolling her eyes.

"But we don't go to that nasty one remember? They created a bigger, family bathroom. It's much prettier," the eldest continued.

As they both discussed their love for its interior design filled with comfy couches and decorative counter tops and tables, I found myself already there! And it was magnificent. Soft lighting, lovely paintings on the walls...I mean, for a bathroom it was a little over the top, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Then suddenly an even stranger thing happened.

As I was washing my hands, a little boy probably about 7 or 8 years old, tugged at the edge of my shirt. I turned to face him. He had curly hair and almond-colored skin. He was wearing a red shirt and dark denim pants.

"Hey, almost done? Dad's waiting for you outside and told me to tell you to hurry please..." he said with a smile.

"Oops, kid made a mistake," I thought.

"Finish up. We'll meet you outside. K, mom?" he said as he ran out the door.

"What...what did he just call me..." I said to myself as I made my way to one of the couches, leaving the water running and my hands full of soapy bubbles.

Kids started to pour in with their moms or dads. Some even stared at me as they made their way to the sink.

After what felt like years, I finally got up and washed the dried soap off my hands and made my wait to the exit.

The little boy was standing next to an older boy with a buzzed cut.

"About time," they both said in unison. "Dad's in the sporting goods store like always," the eldest continued, pointing over to the right. "You coming inside?" he asked.

I suddenly realized that this was my life. My past, my present and my future. The fountain separated each time zone and as I made my way around it, I entered into a new world where everyone changed around me, yet somehow I managed to stay the same.

The question was, "Which direction was I going to take next?"

And even though I knew it was all in my head, I reacted as if it were the real thing. And I held onto those moments knowing that soon I would wake up for good.