Birthday Blogs

2007

Dear June,

So we meet again. The years keep rolling by and yet no matter how many times it arrives, your second day still never fails me. Even though I've been rained on, put down, left out, and forced to grow up I always save one day out of the year devoted entirely to me.

A day when I refuse to work. A day without meeting deadlines, paying bills, dealing with traffic, waiting for anything, eating right (whatever that means), going to the gym (lol!), crying, cleaning, and of course my ultimate favorite analyzing drama. This is my day. A day filled with laughter, Betty Boop trinkets, Tori music, chocolate blueberry truffles, passion fruit iced tea, vanilla lattes, soft pillows, cloudy weather, dark blues, happy faces, hugs&kisses and lotsa shoes! Topped off with an extra special dose of relaxation and great conversation. It's doing whatever the hell I feel like it because I can.

Happy Birthday to me is a fresh start. A time to look forward to; that even for a moment I'm a kid again and everything is something to explore! It's not about what I get, but about the people who are willing to show they care. It's wonderful seeing my sisters going crazy, thinking outside of the box just to plan the day's events: spa treatments, caffeine buzz, and beautiful memories. It's about Ate being the first to greet me every year. It's about Bea having to deal with waking me up in the morning and getting me dressed to feel beautiful. It's about mommy dancing around and daddy's homecookin'. It's about a family dinner for one night simply to spoil the hell out of me! It's about Pamela wrapping pretty little somethings up so that I don't want to rip the paper when I open them. It's about my LOML calling a little passed midnight even with so many things on his plate just to tell me, "Goose, I love you."

It's about those special few who took the time to leave a comment, send a text, call, write, and just remember to show up and say, "Hi."

Thank you for giving me something to smile about.

Love you,

ME

2006

Second of June. I have the urge to be dramatic. Maybe its the music or the fact that the sun's making its way up to welcome such a wonderful day. Whatever the reason, I of course can't sleep and listening compilations provoke me even more to write about what's on my mind. When do I let my head rest?

I'm alone and in front of you, blog. Staring at the glare of this computer screen through the blur of my blind eyes (I'm not wearing my glasses). My left shoulder's throbbing. Both my wrists are sore from the pressure of all this tapping on the keyboard. Been dizzy since yesterday. Feel like a lollipop. Somehow I'll get to the point.

I can't help but think a lot about everyone I've ever met in my entire life. Where are they? What are they doing? Do they think of me? How can they mean so much to me then, only to care less now? It saddens me a little, but frustrates me tremendously. What the hell is the point of consuming myself with the idea that all that I did went to waste? That the people that were a part of who I was, no longer define me as the person I am today? I could stress on this forever. This would explain the dizziness.

I have come to terms with the fact that nothing is permanent in life. Things change for us to grow. People come and go. And those that really matter, those who have no choice (my family) well, thats the only solid thing I've got.

TORI MIX

(lyrical pieces from Tori Amos' songs)

I remember, yes in my peach party dress. No one dared. No one cared to tell me where the pretty girls are. Those demigods with their nine-inch nails and little fascist panties tucked inside the heart of every nice girl. These precious things. Let them bleed. Let them wash away...

All the world is all I am. The black of the blackest ocean and the tear in your hand. All the world is danglin'...dangling'...danglin' for me darlin.' You don't know the power that you have with that tear in your hand.

Make me laugh. Say you know what you want. You said we were the real thing. So I show you some more and I learn what black magic can do. Make me laugh. Say you know you can turn me into the real thing. So I show you some more and I learn.

And I hate elevator music. The way we fight. The way I'm left here silent. Oh these little earthquakes. Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces.

You say the word. You know I will find you. Or if you need some timeI don't mind. I don't hold onto the tail of your kite. I'm not like the girls that you've known, but I believe I'm worth coming home to. Kiss away night. This girl only sleeps with butterflies. So go on and fly then boy. Balloons look good from on the ground. I fear with pins and needles around we may fall then stumble.

Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been here. Silent All These...Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand? Years go by if I'm stripped of my beauty and the orange clouds raining in head. Years go by will I choke on my tears til finally there is nothing left. One more casualty you know we're too easy, easy, easy. Well, I love the way we communicate. Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape. Let's hear what you think of me now, but baby don't look up. The sky is falling.

And i put the hood right back where you could taste heaven perfectly...