To Love Another

"The sexiest thing is trust..."communication and in any relationship, the ability to just relax and quit worrying about the little things. Everything makes so much sense on the outside looking in. Fixing someone else's problems seems so much easier than dealing with one's own. Sometimes I wish that I could step out of my shell and just let it all go.

And what is it really that gets me to overanalyze to such a degree? To question every bit of information? To act out just to see a reaction? To predict the worst case scenario? Paranoia? Maybe. Low self-confidence? Could be. Yet it's the fact that my instincts show what appears to be isn't always what it is and the intentions of another is not always quite so innocent. So I don't let things sit long enough to see what happens next. And unfortunately this can also be my downfall. Yes, this is dramatic, but I've been there, done that too many times to dismiss what bothers me to cater to the norm. It's unfair that the past comes back to haunt me and the present must piece me back together again.

But I'm learning that it's not anyone's problem, but my own that I need to fix for myself.

I write how I feel and if it's sad, it's because I'm sad. And rarely is it ever "perky" so there's no surprise when I take a few moments of my life to vent. I do appreciate anyone who takes any of their time away from their day to check in and read about me, but please know that I'm ok. I just like to share my emotions out loud (a lot).

Relationships are an obstacle course for me. I try to be as cautious as possible before taking the first steps. Then there's that word: "commitment." It isn't easy trusting someone just enough to let them (and only them) in. Obviously, it never works out as planned. No knight in shining armor. No white picket fence. No fairytale endings. Shit happens. Life happens. I'm selfish and want everything, but I don't believe in settling down to get it.

He is with me like I am with him because we love each other, not because we need each other.